Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Normal Is So Great

Sometimes I think it sucks to have an only child who's got Autism. I know people who already had the second child when they'd found out about the first. I also know people who were pregnant with the second when they got the news about the first. Hellooooo, anxiety!  I know people who already had one typically developing kid and started noticing differences with the second. I only have the one.... the one with Autism.

I want to have another baby. I have a few stipulations, though. It has to be cute, I don't want to gain too much weight (again), and there's just one other thing... it has to be normal. Yep, that's right. It's kind of a must for me. I've actually gone back and forth on this for a long time. I want, I don't want, I want, I don't want. Today, I've settled on I want, but I can't get that guarantee in writing and I just don't think I can risk going through this again. So, for now, I want but I'm not going there.

Of course everyone thinks it would be so great for me to have a baby. You know how I know? Because they tell me. ALL. THE. TIME. A baby would be happy and fun and exciting. It would be so great for [my daughter], her own build-in play therapy. I could have a little peace of mind knowing that someone else would be there to help care for her after I'm gone. It goes on. And on. 

But a few weeks ago, someone finally said something real to me. Like, really real. She said, "You should definitely have another baby. You should have the chance at having a normal child. Normal is so great."  She has 3 kids. Two of them are totally normal. The third has some stuff. "Special needs sucks. Normal is so awesome. You should definitely go for it. I really hope you take the chance to experience a normal, happy motherhood experience." So refreshing in a world where I've heard way too much about how I've been chosen for this, you-know-who doesn't give me more than I can handle, and how this is all happening to me for a reason. I think the normal moms even tiptoe around me so as not to brag too much about how great and well, normal, normal really is. 

Finally someone talks about how great normal is. And of course, it IS what I want. I'd love for my kid to have a sibling for all the right reasons; camaraderie, love, to take care of each other (and me), and yes, also for a little respite! That means I need a guarantee that I can have a normie. So, how do I get one of those??